Throwback poetry - A best friend of mine and I used to have what we called "Poetry Wars" in high school, where we'd write on various topics in a poetic manner, and often debate back and forth to speak and challenge our minds with our different opinions. This topic was inspired by my infliction with teenage love - falling for another whilst still in a relationship, and the guilt that came with it. Oh, fun times. This was written in December of 2002.

Good, Bad, Neutral

We exist in a society
where beauty is hidden beneath a layer of compassion,
hatred,
and love.

Our characteristics shift gears
depending on how we feel.
Why must there be sadness in our existence?
Why must one mortal inflict hurt to another
and not sense any guilt to the pain they have drained on them?
The contagious pain
which swallows them whole
and suffocates their true selves to the world
packed with lies and questions.
A shadow which masks its presence
breathes in many identities to its core
that holds together the true mind.
The true answers which could for eternity
be tied down in a cave of darkness
followed by burning to ashes
so no soul could achieve them.

Trust is a delicate,
yet strong task which can disintegrate
once the thought of manipulation
and lie
comes to mind.
We live under the assumption that once one soul has lied to another,
they become the enemy.
So what comes between ourselves
once a lie flushes out of our own mouths?
Errors are bound to happen.

To block ourselves to the world
due to lies
leads to loneliness,

which leads to isolation.

When the picture falls from the wall,
we pick it up
and put it back again
for its soul purpose is to be shown to people.
Our purpose is to venture through a dream of ups and downs,
challenges that can corrupt our intelligent minds
to thinking we've made a wrong turn
when really,
we took the turn we were always supposed to take.

Sometimes, the shadow hidden inside the wall
which absorbs any sounds that comes through it,
is the intelligent mysterious character
in which intrigues others to wind in their direction.
To want to transform someone
is the same as putting nails on a chalkboard.
Our personalities are like rivers.
Flowing into the random direction
which leads them to numerous dissimilar paths.
When one fixates on many,
and is attached to only one other,
they then begin to try to untangle themselves from being trapped
with only one other
so they can breathe the fresh air of the many.
That one's mind also transforms their curiosity
to being free into wanting to stay attached
to the one they are with.

But alas, such is life.

Such is for the one time we find happiness with one,
yet wanting of another.
So why the sudden changes in feelings?
The good can change to bad, and the bad can change to ugly.
The ugly stays the same until the bad is defeated by the good.
That which returns the ugly into good.
When there is two sides, the Good and the Bad,
there is also an in between.
No, we're not calling it Switzerland,
but we are calling it the neutral.
The neutral,
not being good,
can be corrupted with other souls and turn into the bad.
Why the fuck
must the neutral find such corruption
when there is already a soul that is willing to depart from their genre on a holiday,
so they can be with the neutral on their birthday?

Such an odd mind one can have
when troubled times
tries to defeat
with their train of thought.

And another "Talented Tuesday" is upon us - it was already a total success. For this week, I was inspired to draw an album cover from a new favorite band I found on Spotify called "In Hearts Wake". Their music has helped me immensely through the tough changes between my mother's passing, and other personal events. One of their songs "Wildflower" hits close to home and makes me think of my beautiful mom. My best friend.

Today is a very trying day. Today marks one month since my mother passed away. It's hard to get used to this new "norm", but I still hold on to her strength and courage that she so bravely possessed all these years.

I'm very spiritual. My mom was, too. Our family has a thing about feathers and hummingbirds. Before my mom passed away, she told us that hummingbirds would be one of her signs. The morning after she passed, my aunt, sis and I were sitting on our backyard patio set drinking tea/coffee. A hummingbird swooped around us and perched on a tree right next to us. It sat there for one-two minutes, staring at us. It was a very emotional and captivating experience. Truly beautiful.

Today, I woke up very depressed. My mom had been heavy on my mind for the past few days. I went to go eat at Jorge's, a mexican food restaurant. As I was walking on the sidewalk (and being oblivious to everything) I all of a sudden look down. My eyes immediately saw a big, bright and beautiful white feather. It has to be half a foot long, and was all by its little lonesome, smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk in front of Jorge's. I smiled big, got chills, and thought of my mom. I never find white feathers like this. I felt so lucky.

Thanks to my wonderful cousins, Heather and her wife Nataly, I have joined them in Talented Tuesdays where we devote to part of our day to becoming creative. I did a quick sketch. I need to dedicate more time in the art world because for a couple years now, I've been dry out of ideas or any motivation to create anything. Here is what I have chosen to do:

This weekend has been wonderful going out to different beaches in San Diego and hiking around. It felt great to take my Canon out since it had been a while since I used it.

These first two photos are from Torrey Pines State Beach where you can hike the trails before heading to the bottom where you end up at the actual beach. The second to last photo was hard because I had to level my camera on the cliff and set a timer. I seemed to be the only one who didn't jump in time. :( Still a great photo, though. ;)

























Here are some photos taken the next day at La Jolla Cove. Beautiful beaches, just smells like fish and seals. I don't care, I LOVE it there! The second picture looks like it could be half the earth.


















After the cove, we headed down to check out the Ocean Beach Tide Pools and the pier. It was gorgeous, the beaches were richly blue, and I almost felt like I was in Hawaii. Dan and I want to get our friends together and spend half a day at this beach. There's a little secret area where you have to go through a cave to get to the other side where it's a more private beach with cliff diving. Photograph of me on the other side of the cave was taken by Dan.





Later, we ended up walking the pier. Beautiful views, great tans. ;)